I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
