I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
