listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
