Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
