it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
