I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
