Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize