I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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