Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
