I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
