I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
