i need an iv and a liver transplant
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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