I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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