Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
