he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we should paint friendship bongs
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