Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize