A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
