i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize