I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
