You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
