so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
