Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
