I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
