I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
