Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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