yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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