You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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