I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
