You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
