Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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