I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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