I just threw up on my dentist
home. puking in laundry basket.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize