can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
