we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
