sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
