her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
