Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
