omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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