Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
