I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
