I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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