We're like a lot better than the average bears
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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