Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
