he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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