Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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