I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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