If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
