Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
