It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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