HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
