I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
