If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize