So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
