I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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