WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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