Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how drunk are you?
Several
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
