Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
