So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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