i need an iv and a liver transplant
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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