there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
