you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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