Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
