And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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