Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
