You're completely useless in the revolution.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
