can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
