my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
being pregnant is like rehab
Rumble strips road head = magical
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
