I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize