Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
