At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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