wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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