I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Panties = found
Randomize