Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize