I love having hate sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
