Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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